Waiting for Frances
Characters
• LEX – a tired lecturer holding a placard.
• PAT – another lecturer, equally tired, eating a slightly stale biscuit.
• A PASSING ADMINISTRATOR – occasionally appears with confusing updates.
• A VOICE FROM MANAGEMENT EMAILS – disembodied.
Outside the gates of the university. A picket line. A banner flaps in the wind: “SAVE OUR JOBS.” A coffee thermos sits between them like a sacred object.
LEX: Well?
PAT: Well what?
LEX: Has she gone yet?
PAT: No.
LEX: Ah. (Pause.)
PAT: Maybe today.
LEX: You said that yesterday.
PAT: Yesterday had promise.
LEX: So does a restructuring document, apparently. (Pause.)
PAT: What are we waiting for again?
LEX: Frances.
PAT: Right.
(They stare at the university buildings.)
PAT: You’d think if someone threatened half the place with redundancy and hinted at shutting a campus, they might… I don’t know… appear?
LEX: Communication is happening.
PAT: Where?
LEX: In principle.
(Pause.)
PAT: I heard she said she can’t take a pay cut.
LEX: Yes.
PAT: Because—
LEX: Because it would worsen the gender pay gap.
PAT: Ah.
(They consider this.)
PAT: So the solution to the financial crisis is—
LEX: Not that.
(Pause.)
PAT: Bold leadership.
LEX: With Soul.
A PASSING ADMINISTRATOR enters carrying a thick folder labelled “Transformation Strategy (Final Draft v27 FINAL FINAL).”
PAT: Any news?
ADMINISTRATOR: Yes.
LEX: Good news?
ADMINISTRATOR: There will be a meeting about the possibility of scheduling a consultation regarding a future conversation.
PAT: About the redundancies?
ADMINISTRATOR: About the communication regarding the redundancies.
LEX: And Frances?
ADMINISTRATOR: Very committed.
PAT: To what?
ADMINISTRATOR: The process.
(The ADMINISTRATOR exits hurriedly.)
(Pause.)
PAT: The process sounds busy.
LEX: The process is thriving.
PAT: Shame about the university.
(Pause.)
PAT: Maybe Frances will come tomorrow.
LEX: Why tomorrow?
PAT: Symbolism.
A strange echoing sound is heard: the VOICE FROM MANAGEMENT EMAILS.
VOICE: Dear colleagues, We recognise this is a challenging time. We value every member of our community. Together we will navigate this transformation.
(Silence.)
PAT: Did it say anything?
LEX: Not specifically.
PAT: Comforting though.
LEX: Very. (Pause.)
PAT: Do you think the university will still be here?
LEX: Which one?
PAT: Good point.
PAT: What if she never comes?
LEX: Then we’ll still be here.
PAT: Waiting?
LEX: Striking.
(They raise their placards slightly.)
PAT: You know what’s odd?
LEX: What?
PAT: For a place full of experts, nobody seems to know what’s going on.
LEX: That’s management.
(Pause.)
PAT: Should we go?
LEX: We can’t.
PAT: Why not?
LEX: We’re waiting for Frances. (Long pause.)
PAT: Right.
(They do not move. The banner continues to flap.)
END

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