Waiting for Frances

Characters
• LEX – a tired lecturer holding a placard.
• PAT – another lecturer, equally tired, eating a slightly stale biscuit.
• A PASSING ADMINISTRATOR – occasionally appears with confusing updates.
• A VOICE FROM MANAGEMENT EMAILS – disembodied.

Outside the gates of the university. A picket line. A banner flaps in the wind: “SAVE OUR JOBS.” A coffee thermos sits between them like a sacred object.

LEX: Well?

PAT: Well what?

LEX: Has she gone yet?

PAT: No.

LEX: Ah. (Pause.)

PAT: Maybe today.

LEX: You said that yesterday.

PAT: Yesterday had promise.

LEX: So does a restructuring document, apparently. (Pause.)

PAT: What are we waiting for again?

LEX: Frances.

PAT: Right.

(They stare at the university buildings.)

PAT: You’d think if someone threatened half the place with redundancy and hinted at shutting a campus, they might… I don’t know… appear?

LEX: Communication is happening.

PAT: Where?

LEX: In principle.

(Pause.)

PAT: I heard she said she can’t take a pay cut.

LEX: Yes.

PAT: Because—

LEX: Because it would worsen the gender pay gap.

PAT: Ah.

(They consider this.)

PAT: So the solution to the financial crisis is—

LEX: Not that.

(Pause.)

PAT: Bold leadership. 

LEX: With Soul.

A PASSING ADMINISTRATOR enters carrying a thick folder labelled “Transformation Strategy (Final Draft v27 FINAL FINAL).”

PAT: Any news?

ADMINISTRATOR: Yes.

LEX: Good news?

ADMINISTRATOR: There will be a meeting about the possibility of scheduling a consultation regarding a future conversation.

PAT: About the redundancies?

ADMINISTRATOR: About the communication regarding the redundancies.

LEX: And Frances?

ADMINISTRATOR: Very committed.

PAT: To what?

ADMINISTRATOR: The process.

(The ADMINISTRATOR exits hurriedly.)

(Pause.)

PAT: The process sounds busy.

LEX: The process is thriving.

PAT: Shame about the university.

(Pause.)

PAT: Maybe Frances will come tomorrow.

LEX: Why tomorrow?

PAT: Symbolism.

A strange echoing sound is heard: the VOICE FROM MANAGEMENT EMAILS.

VOICE: Dear colleagues, We recognise this is a challenging time. We value every member of our community. Together we will navigate this transformation.

(Silence.)

PAT: Did it say anything?

LEX: Not specifically.

PAT: Comforting though.

LEX: Very. (Pause.)

PAT: Do you think the university will still be here?

LEX: Which one?

PAT: Good point.

PAT: What if she never comes?

LEX: Then we’ll still be here.

PAT: Waiting?

LEX: Striking.

(They raise their placards slightly.)

PAT: You know what’s odd?

LEX: What?

PAT: For a place full of experts, nobody seems to know what’s going on.

LEX: That’s management.

(Pause.)

PAT: Should we go?

LEX: We can’t.

PAT: Why not?

LEX: We’re waiting for Frances. (Long pause.)

PAT: Right.

(They do not move. The banner continues to flap.)

END


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